i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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