Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
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