so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
