dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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