He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
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No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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