the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
