i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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