I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
