Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
