drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
