Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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