Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
