are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
