So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize