fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
