im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
