when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
