I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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