My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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