Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize