I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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