Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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