The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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