Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
