I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
