I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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