Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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