Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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