I wish I could teleport
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
