I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
