Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
