seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
