he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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