it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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