just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
