I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
