please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
