Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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