I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
