I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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