...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
