Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize