He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
