i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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