I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We are all done wearing pants today
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
