what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
