In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
