I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize