I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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