I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
