You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
