just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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