can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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