i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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