Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
