dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
