textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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