Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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