Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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