Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
