So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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