This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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