I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
