Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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