dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
