You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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