I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
