I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
