He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Semen is not good for contacts.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
