so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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