Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
