I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
