I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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