we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
