its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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