I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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