i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
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