My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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