oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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