He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
