Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
