omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
